The calm after the storm.

Today is one of those days where you wake up and just sort of feel like you're in the calm after the storm.. Exhausted, drained (emotionally and physically), empty. But all at the same time feeling relief, peace, and comfort.

You might know that in February of this year I joined a church plant in CDA, Idaho. I am the weekend service coordinator at our church, so I basically oversee and plan everything that happens during our Sunday service. Gosh, it has been so much fun. Our church brings me so much joy! I have never experienced the feeling of having such a deep love for a church until now. I have LOVED meeting new people and building a new church family, and seeing the growth and change in me personally has been so cool. God is just so good.

On the other end of it, church planting has been incredibly difficult. One of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, actually. You see, I went from a well-established church of thousands of people and tons of resources to a mobile church of about 115. Every weekend there is a new kink to work out or a new issue to address, and quite frankly, sometimes I just have no idea how to fix it. Ministry feels so much more transparent now. So much more humbling. 

This weekend was especially challenging. I experienced ministry in a whole new way. I had already had a really long weekend. Working two jobs, bachelorette party, last minute prep for church. I was exhausted. On top of all of that, our team was facing something very difficult on Sunday. I found myself in tears on my way to church. I didn't know how to lead through the tiredness and pain. I was broken. I called on Jesus to be my strength and He got me through the morning and then through a long busy shift at the restaurant. I didn't really even have time to process the day or take a breath until I crawled into bed, and by then I was so tired that I just passed out.

Which brings me to today. The calm after the storm. Waking up and finally having a moment to process it all... to let it all sink in. This morning the Lord brought me back to a quote that I wrote down in my journal a long time ago. It says, 

"Ministry is more than hard. Ministry is impossible. And unless we have a fire inside our bones compelling us, we simply will not survive." -Mark Driscoll

Reading that quote led me to also read Luke 24. Jesus had just resurrected and the tomb was found empty. We see two men walking to Emmaus and discussing the current events of Jesus' death when Jesus appears to them, but their eyes were kept from recognizing him. Verse 21 says, "But we had hoped that he was the one to redeem Israel. Yes, and besides all this, it is now the third day since these things happened." These men had lost hope. They had given up. Their ministry seemed as though it was all in vain. Their current pain of the situation had led them to forget all of the things that the Prophets had spoken about Jesus death and resurrection. Verse 27 says, "And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he (Jesus) interpreted to them in all the Scriptures the things concerning himself." Fast forward to verse 32, 'They said to each other, "Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked to us on the road, while he opened to us the Scriptures?"'.  It clicked. They realized that he was Jesus and that he actually had risen! It says that they rose and returned to Jerusalem to tell the eleven disciples about what had happened. 

So many times in life, and in ministry especially, we let our current pains lead us into forgetfulness of who Jesus really is and what he did for us. We have to be reminded over and over again that Jesus died and is the fire that lives within us. The fire that compels us to keep doing ministry even in the hardest of times, even when He seems unrecognizable. I am realizing that ministry really isn't just hard. It's beyond hard. It's impossible. But we have JESUS! Jesus is what keeps up going! Jesus is our power! I experienced Him strengthening me yesterday when it felt like I couldn't keep going. He was my fire just like he was the fire inside of the men on the road to Emmaus. 

Keep turning to Jesus to be your fire. The fire that he puts inside of us is the only one that will never burn out. He is so good.

God is saying go... again...

WOW!
I have some pretty exciting news to share with all of you!
I am obeying God's call and joining the team who recently planted a church in Coeur d' Alene, ID! It is such a different experience but it is so incredible. Let me tell you how it happened!

I first heard about Life Center CDA shortly before I moved to Mexico. I had thought that it would be fun to go to the information meetings about the new church but they were starting up right when I was moving to Mexico, so I dismissed the idea. When I got home, however, I learned that their first Sunday service would be February 9th! My sister and I decided to go and check it out. We really wanted to support a church that was being birthed from our home church (Life Center) and just be there for them during their first service. That's it... we were just visiting.

A funny thing happened while I was there. Everyone who came got a "connect card". Just a card to fill out your information and give back to the church so they can contact you. I filled it out, but then I just sat there. I began to wrestle with God about putting that connect card in the offering bucket. Thoughts were running through my head like, "But I've been at Life Center for 16 years... I just moved home, maybe its too soon to switch churches... I don't know anyone out here...". In that moment, God reminded me of something that I had written in my previous blog...

  "I can tell you that I will go where ever God takes me. After taking such a huge step of faith and moving to Mexico and seeing how faithful God was, I can honestly say that I one hundred percent, without a doubt, will go where ever he leads me."

Wow... I was at a loss for words. I knew that God was saying, "GO!" and I was just sitting there with all these doubts and questions. I was so convicted. After the service, I turned in the connect card at the info desk and decided that Life Center CDA would be my new church.

If you know me you know that I am never content just going to church... I have to serve. God put such an innate desire for ministry in me that I can't just attend every Sunday and thats it. To make a long story really short, I met with our pastor and his wife and shared my passions for ministry with them. I told them what I am passionate about doing but that I was literally willing to serve however I was needed. I spent the two years leading up to my move to Mexico interning at Life Center in the Worship and Performing Arts department. I specialized in production and service coordinating. During that internship I learned how God wired me and what gifts he had given me to use in ministry. Now guess what??? I get to start using them in CDA! I met with our pastor last night and he basically asked me to be the volunteer service coordinator at our new church! How cool! 

What does that look like? I basically oversee everything that happens in our Sunday service. (You really have no idea how much goes into it until you are behind the scenes.) I get to take everything I learned while interning and use it to bring glory to God at Life Center CDA. Gosh, I cannot tell you how honored I am that God chose me to do this. It is going to be a crazy adventure and I am so excited. I am already just LOVING the people that I get to do ministry with and the relationships that are beginning to grow. 

So, just a little bit about the church. Our pastor is Sean McCartin. Him and his family moved up here last year from Eugene, OR. They also took a huge step of obedience into the unknown and I am incredibly thankful that they did! They are such amazing people who have embraced me with open arms. I feel SO blessed that I get to do ministry with them. We meet Sunday mornings at 10am at Woodland Middle School. Everything is a little raw right now... I think its always like that in the beginning stages of a church plant, but that is one of the most exciting parts! Come check it out if you are ever in the area, or even if you aren't, come check it out anyways, we would love to see you! ;) And please, keep us in your prayers! I think I can speak on behalf of the church when I say they are greatly appreciated. 

So, there is the latest update! Thanks for reading and being interested in what God is doing in my life! I hope that you feel encouraged to do something that may seem crazy in obedience to Jesus. His plans are the best plans and he really does love to bless his children. 

God bless!

I'm HOME!

First, let me say that I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to even write this! I realize many people still think that I am just visiting or are wondering when I will be returning to Mexico! I will answer all of those questions.

I have been back for almost a month now... I guess I was waiting for it to be easier before I started writing my blog about being home. Let me tell you, after almost a month... it is still hard.

I love being with my family and friends. I love going back to work.  I love being back at my church. I love the beautiful Pacific Northwest. But part of my heart is still in Mexico. I miss my family and friends there. I miss teaching. I miss speaking Spanish everyday. I miss the WEATHER!!!! I have told people that I wasn't ready to leave, but after thinking a little bit about it... I don't know if I would've ever really been ready.

I'm gonna take a second to answer some of the questions that I've been asked the most since I have been home.

1.) "What are you doing now that you are home? Where are you living? Working?
      I am currently living with my sister, her husband and their son. It was such a blessing to have a place to come home to! They have graciously opened up their home to me and, while it is a little far from everything, you can't complain about free rent! So thankful for their generosity!
     I am back to work at The Onion (3.5 years strong!). I LOVE MY JOB! I can't tell you enough. I feel so blessed that they let me come back after taking an extended amount of time off and it was so nice to not have to come home and go straight to job hunting. I am also nannying part-time and am enjoying that very much!
     I am serving again at Life Center in the Student Ministries and Worship departments. Same as I was before I left. I missed it so much and am so happy to be doing it again. Love being back with my church family.
     Other than that I am just hanging out. Spending time with friends and family, catching up with people. It has been fun having such warm welcomes from everyone.

2.) "When are you going back to Mexico?"
      I am so blessed and honored to have been asked to be the female leader for the Life Center intern trip in May! Leaving was just a little bit easier knowing when I would be returning. We will be going back to the same place we went last year, which is the place that I was living for the six months that I was down there. I am so excited and cannot wait to see what God does.

3.) "Sooo... what's next?"
      The short answer to that is that I have no idea... haha! My short term plans are to just keep working and save up some money. I am traveling to New York later this month to visit some friends! God blessed me with a round trip ticket for about $160, so my best friend and I will be spending a week there. Then of course there is Mexico later this year. I plan on doing a marathon at some point in 2014 which is exciting/scary. Really though, that's about it. I don't have any huge plans.
      I can tell you that I will go where ever God takes me. After taking such a huge step of faith and moving to Mexico and seeing how faithful God was, I can honestly say that I one hundred percent, without a doubt, will go where ever he leads me. Whether that is back to Mexico, Africa, Texas, Nebraska, or even Washington forever... anywhere He wants. He is so faithful and eager to bless our obedience.

4.) "What is the biggest thing you learned in Mexico?"
     Alright, I'll try to keep this one short. The biggest thing I learned while being in Mexico is that sometimes we have to rest in the fact that God chooses us. When we feel unsatisfied with our circumstances, uncertain of our calling, disappointed in ourselves/others... we have to rest in the fact that where ever we are in life or ministry... HE CHOSE US. During my first two months in Mexico, I wrestled with God about why I was there and what his purposes were. He taught me to rest solely in the fact that He put me there and I didn't need all the answers. He chose me to be there and over time I realized some of the reasons why.  I don't know if that makes complete sense, but honestly that question could be answered in an entire blog post alone.

5.) "Are you struggling with reverse culture shock?"
     Even a month later, yes, I still am. I was out to lunch with a friend the other day and while browsing at the menu I realized something. The cost of my burger was the same price as an average electricity bill for people in the town I was living in. I could spend money on that burger without even thinking about it, all the while some of my friends in Mexico are living everyday wondering how they will pay their next bill. Let that sink in. It's insane. That is just a small glimpse into some of the reverse culture shock I have been dealing with.

So, that's that. I plan on keeping my blog going now that I am home so tune in if you so desire. 

Thank you again to everyone who supported me during my time in Mexico. You will NEVER know how much it meant to me. I felt so loved during my time there, even from afar.

God bless you!