A silly little dream.

It being the holiday season, I find myself missing home just a little bit more. I am a little anxious about missing Thanksgiving and Christmas, neither of which are celebrated here, and having my first birthday away from home. Luckily, my mom gets to visit just two days after Christmas!

Anyways, last night I had a dream about one of my favorite holiday traditions... the Life Center Annual Carol Sing! I haven't missed one of these since I was six or seven years old. If you've ever been to this event, you know that it is tradition to sing The Twelve Days of Christmas. The whole church participates in taking turns acting out each number as it is sang. So, one section of the church acts out the partridge in a pear tree, another section acts out the two turtle doves, and so on.  The Jr. High, High School and College students are always the five golden rings! Therefore, I have been a five golden ring for the last ten years! Pastor Joe always calls twelve people up on stage to lead each section in their number. There are a few people who go up every year, but others that are picked at random by our pastor, Joe Wittwer. I have ALWAYS wanted to be chosen to lead the five golden rings!

So, last night I had a dream that I came home solely for the carol sing at Life Center. In my dream, I was holding a baby, probably about 6 months old. I didn't know whose baby it was or even how I ended up holding it. The time came to sing The Twelve Days of Christmas and I was ecstatic. Even more so when Pastor Joe called my name to lead the five golden rings! But I still had this baby in my arms and I didn't know where the mother was... so I just took the baby up with me! I didn't know what else to do!

So there I was! Ready to go! When all of the sudden, I  started smelling poop... then I realized that there was poop on my arm! Baby poop! I was disgusted! I started dry heaving as if I was going to throw up! Apparently, Pastor Joe was just as disgusted! He asked me to exit the stage to clean everything up and go to the bathroom in case I was going to actually vomit.

NOOOOOOO! Just as quickly as my dream was given to me, it was ripped out of my arms! I was devastated! I hope that this dream never comes true! Well, at least not the baby part! :)

Aren't dreams so weird sometimes?!

I wanna talk about thankfulness.

Around this time every year people start counting their blessings. I'm sure your Facebook news feed is full of your friends sharing what they are thankful for. It is the season of thanksgiving.

Everyone is posting about how they are thankful for family, friends, God, church, jobs, a house, even daylight savings for crying out loud. I'm not particularly fond of posting different things everyday, but this weekend I experienced something that made me grateful for things that I don't usually think of thanking God for. 

I stayed with a family from our church who live about twenty minutes away in a town called Bacerac.  It is a husband, wife, daughter and son. Their kids are fourteen and seven. The fourteen year old daughter, Eunice, speaks English very well, which made the weekend a lot easier, haha. They all share one bedroom with three beds, so when I stayed with them, I just stayed in the same room. 

We were playing cards on Friday night and I was looking around the kitchen and realized they didn't have a sink. I said, "Wait... You guys don't have a sink?" They said no and I asked how they wash dishes. They told me that they use big bowls and get water from outside. I thought, "Huh, well thats different, but ok."

We kept chatting and playing games and before bed I went to wash my face, brush my teeth, etc. Eunice came in and told me that she had to bring water in from outside for me to use. This is when I realized that not only did they not have a sink, but they didn't have running water in their entire house. They get all of their water from a hose outside and for showers they heat it up on their wood stove that you literally have to light a fire to use. To brush their teeth they put water in a cup and use it little by little.  To flush the toilet they have to dump a big bucket of water down the toilet so the pressure will make it go down. They pretty much only flush the toilet when they go number two so they don't have to keep getting water all the time. Oh, and you don't put toilet paper in the toilet... it goes in the trash can next to the toilet. No matter what. You may think that sounds disgusting, but to them its just normal life.

These are everyday things that I don't even think twice about doing, and it made me think... Do I ever stop to be thankful for things like this? For the ability to have a hot shower whenever I want? That I can flush the toilet without having to go outside in the sometimes freezing cold weather to get water? That I don't have to take the time to make a fire whenever I want to cook and keep checking back to make sure it is still lit? That I don't have to share my room with anyone, let alone three other people? I don't think I have ever thanked God for anything like this. Until now.

This weekend was such a great experience. It made me reevaluate my view of thankfulness and what I should be thankful for. I'm not saying we shouldn't be thankful for an extra hour of sleep, but shouldn't we also be thankful for our bed? Our pillow? Our blankets? 

Here are a few photos to give you a better idea...

The bedroom where the entire family sleeps. 

Heating water above the wood stove.

Me and Eunice before we went to a Quiceñera for one of her friends.

What a humbling experience it was. I hope this thanksgiving season opens your eyes to the things you may be taking for granted and that God teaches you new things to be thankful for. There are people all over the world who live on way less than most of us.

Happy holidays, friends!

Chosen.

Do you ever feel like you're not enough?
Like you are running in a circle searching for your purpose?
Like you thought you were in God's will but you feel like you've let people down?

If I am completely honest....
This could describe me lately.

I have been living in Mexico for a little over three months now (crazy, right?) and sometimes I feel as though I have accomplished nothing. Sometimes I don't feel like a missionary. What is the definition of a missionary, anyways? Sometimes I feel like maybe more was expected of me, and I turned out to be this mistake.

We've all felt like this before, right?
Maybe for you it has happened at work. You had a huge task to accomplish and the results just didn't turn out how you thought they would.
Maybe it was with your family. You said something wrong to a spouse, child, or sibling and the rest is history.
Maybe it was in your ministry. You thought God was leading you in a certain direction and all of a sudden things seemed to be spinning out of control.

There are so many different situations, but they all have one thing in common... they leave us feeling worthless.

I was talking to a friend today who has been having similar feelings. The Holy Spirit nudged me to go read a blog that I usually keep up on, but haven't recently. The entry is titled, "When you're pretty sure you are a dissapointment." It is written by Kari Patterson. In it, she explained having had feelings like these and I thought, "Wow! This perfectly describes how I have been feeling!"

As I kept reading, Kari went on to explain that these feelings that we have, these painful, raw, and very real feelings, make it so that we see the gospel. The ravaging love that revolutionizes our souls, she says.

The gospel doesn't tell us that we are worthless, purposeless, and a mistake. In fact, it tells us the exact opposite! It tells us that we are CHOSEN!

Matthew 22:14

"For many are called, but few are chosen."

Romans 8:29

"For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them..."

1 Thessalonians 1:4

"For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you..."

2 Thessalonians 2:13

"...because God chose you as the firstfruits to be saved through sanctification by the Spirit and belief in the truth."

These are just a few of many verses in the bible that talk about how God has chosen us. What a beautiful thing that is! And if God, the creator of the universe and everything in it, decided to chose me, should I feel anything less than enamored? In awe? Grateful? Confident? Intentional?

I think not.

Now, I know that realistically I will feel down and out sometime again in my life, but I hope that in those times, God brings me back to this place. A place of remembrance and peace. Because, friends, what he did on the cross is what defines us. Remember and find peace in that. 

You are worth loving. You are enough. You are loved.

You are chosen.

If you want to read the blog by Kari Patterson, you can do so by visiting www.karipatterson.com.